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01 December 2012 @ 02:01 pm
Author: claudia_lexan
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 3,417
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Thank you to my beta Mago186.
Notes: Au, univerise. The title of this story is from the Blue October song - Hate Me.
Disclaimer: These are not characters of my own creation
Summary: what if Dean was the little brother. Sam still went away to college but he left his little brother with his dad figuring, foolishly, that he could trust his old man to take care of him.

Two months ago he had a life that was worth fighting for.  He was slowly beginning to form a relationship with Dean.  He had finally accepted that hunting with Dean was a huge part of what made him happy.

One phone call from John had changed everything.

He found himself believing John's words that Dean could have been affected by the demon's blood.  He had justified leaving Dean as protecting him from John.  It had taken him just two days to admit to himself that he had left because he believed some of what John had told him.   Dean survived the fire that had killed their mom and that couldn't be a coincidence.  Dean also had visions and that wasn't something most people possessed.  He let himself believe that Dean could be a part of the demon's army.  He had been so willing to believe that he would be a part of the demon’s army.  He had been so willing to believe the worst of Dean and it disgusted him.  He couldn't even blame John for manipulating him.  He knew that Dean didn't have it in him to align himself with the demon.  Dean would always be on the side of good.

He had been hunting with John for two months and it was hard ignoring the guilt he felt for leaving Dean.  He had become a hunting partner to a man he claimed to hate.  John had asked if he was willing to risk his life hunting with Dean.  Fear had let him believe that Dean could hurt him.  He betrayed the trust Dean had placed in him all because of fear.

Hunting with John wasn't something he wanted to do anymore.  He couldn't listen to another lecture on research methods and correct way to clean weapons.  He missed the presence of Dean.  The decision to leave John was an easy one to make. 

He knew which bus route would get him to Bobby's.

 An interesting conversation with a woman called Meg about the difficulties of family and making the right decisions concerning them had just reinforced his decision to leave John.  He already had a bag packed and more than enough money saved to make the trip to Bobby's.   All he had to do was wait for John to get back from the local diner.

He didn't have to wait long.  John walked into their shared motel room carrying takeout.  That meant if he wanted to eat before he left John it would be greasy and half warm.  He kept a watchful eye on John as he put the take out on the table and closed the door.  He could see the way the John's eyes automatically scanned the room before coming to a stop on his bag.

"Are you going somewhere?"

He wasn't scared of John—hadn't been for a few years, but he wasn't stupid.  He knew John was a dangerous man.  It was why he had taken the precaution having a loaded gun tucked into his waistband.  "I'm leaving."

"Why?"  He had known Sam wouldn't stay with him for long.  Each hunt they had done together was filled with too much tension and too many questions.  Sam had begun to question the information he had found on babies who had survived fires that killed their mom's.

"I'm not giving all that I can to the hunts we do together.  If I go on solo hunts we can chase down more leads for the YED."

What Sam was telling him made perfect sense.  It would be easier for them to do solo hunts.  He also knew it was utter bullshit.  Sam wanted to go and find Dean.  He wasn't going to let that happen.  Sam needed to accept that Dean was deadly.  "It would also be dangerous."

"Are you trying to draw out the hunt for the YED?  The sooner we find him the better.  It shouldn't matter how dangerous hunting alone is.  It's all about killing the YED.  Hunting together is just prolonging the search for it."

"Hunting alone is unsafe and just hastening your death.  Do you really want to die alone?  Are you willing to leave me without backup on a hunt?"

He wanted to tell John that Dean had been hunting on his own for the last two months.  He didn't know the dangerous situations Dean had placed himself in and that bothered him.  Just how much pain had Dean put himself though to finish a hunt?  "You are an experienced hunter who plans every last detail of a hunt.  You have hunted on your own before and managed okay.  Why should my leaving now change anything?"

"I'm older now."

"Bullshit, age has never been worth a damn thing to you.  I know of hunters ten years older than you that hunt alone."

John knew that Sam was beginning to find more reasons to leave than stay.  He needed to keep Sam with him.  He was willing to do anything to keep Sam with him.  "I don't want to do this on my own.”

A short bark of laughter came out.  John was seriously in need of help if he believed that emotional blackmail was going to work.  "I don't believe you.  You have always been so confident in what you do.  When Dean and I were kids you went on solo hunts that lasted for weeks."

"After Mary died I was full of anger.  I was ready to fight anyone and everything in my need for vengeance.  I had the energy to go on hunts that lasted for weeks at a time.  I had a lot more focus and determination."

He knew that John had been enthusiastic in avenging his mom's death.  He could remember the lonely weeks he spent trying to survive with Dean in a motel room.  All those times he had learned to stretch food so it lasted for a week instead of three days.  He remembered those days and it was painful.  He wasn't going to let John use any of that for emotional blackmail.  "That changes nothing.  I'm still leaving to pursue my own leads on the YED."

"Do you have any leads?"

For a few brief seconds, Sam could think of nothing and he knew that John would get satisfaction from that.  "I have enough to get started on."

John knew that Sam had nothing planned beyond finding Dean.  It would make keeping Sam with him too easy. 

He had no leads or any kind of information connected with the YED.  The only information he had was just a slim chance that Bobby knew where Dean could be.  It may be selfish of Sam, but he was more interested in finding Dean.  Anything else remotely connected with the YED was secondary.  "I'm not telling you."

Sam had never been able to lie to him.  Sam could lie to perfect strangers with ease and that was something he took pride in.  To keep Sam with him, he would have to be the perfect picture of a concerned and loving parent.  "I understand that you want to hunt alone.  I know it's not ideal for a grown man to be with his dad all the time, but we are better off together."

Sam wasn't going to allow John convince him to stay.  He needed to find Dean.  "I'm leaving.  The hunts we do together are not enough."

"Did you expect the hunts to be the next big piece to killing the YED?  You know it doesn't work like that."

"You can hunt alone."

Sam was determined to leave him and he wasn't happy with that.  Without Sam he had no other support while hunting.  He knew that it was unlikely Sam would change his mind about leaving, but he had to try— he had to try.  He couldn't take the chance that Dean would persuade Sam to join the YED’s army.  He wasn't willing to lose another member of his family to the YED.    "I know I can hunt alone.  I'm perfectly capable of doing all the research and killing the supernatural creatures.  It will be extremely hard and I’ll get injuries that will leave me with more scars.  I don't want to be alone anymore.  I want you by my side."

"You managed to do hunts on your own before I rejoined you.  What is so different now?  What has changed?"


"Tell me why you are so determined to stop me from leaving.  Hunters ten years older than you have managed to hunt alone.  What makes you so different?"

Sam was now being disrespectful and demanding.  His first instinct was to shout at his son and tell him that leaving wasn't a choice he had.  He could continue to blackmail Sam with credit card fraud, but any proof he had no longer existed.  He had destroyed all the evidence a couple of years ago.  Convincing Sam to rejoin him on the hunt with credit card fraud was a lie he couldn't keep going.  All he had left was emotional blackmail.  He knew Mary would disapprove, but it was all he had.  "Other hunters didn't have to deal with the YED."

"You honestly think that other hunters don't have it as bad as you, because of the YED?  A lot of other hunters were in this life long before you.  There have most probably been demons that are far more dangerous than the YED, but we just haven't dealt with any of them.    I'm not staying with you."

"How long will you last without me?" 

"Longer than you think.  Find someone else to hunt with."  Sam then picked up his bag, walked past John and opened the door. 

"You walk out that door and that's it."

Sam didn't even bother turning round when John spoke.  They were words he had heard nearly seven years ago.  Seven years ago he was angry and upset that John could cut him off, now he was just relieved.  John wasn't a person he had to worry about.  He walked out of the door and towards the nearest bus station.


Dean had a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel and his heart was beating a little too fast.  He had made the right decision luring the ghost truck back to the spot where the old church used to be.  The truck had just gone right though him, vaporizing as soon as it crossed into hallowed ground.  He had managed to help Cassie and bring an end to a string of racially motivated killings.

It had been another successful hunt.


Once his heart was beating at a normal pace again, his grip on the steering wheel relaxed.  Taking his phone out of the glove compartment he flipped it open and pressed number 3.  It rang for just a few short seconds before it was answered.

"Dean is everything okay?  Mom and I are worried about you."  Worried was an understatement. She and her mom had been bordering on panic.  Since finding out just how dangerous Dean's hunts could be, they were worried he wouldn't come back alive.

"I'm fine.  The truck won't cause a problem anymore."

"Thank you so much for helping us.  We didn't know who to turn to and mom didn't want to contact John."

He let out a small chuckle.  The last time Mrs Robertson had met John it had ended with an argument about poor parenting.  She didn't like John, but every time he visited Cassie and her mom it was almost like having a loving family for a few days.  "Is your mom okay?"

"Dean, you can call her mom, you know? She would be honoured if you did.  Why don’t you come back to the house for a few days?  Mom would love to get another chance to spoil you."  She wanted her friend to stay in one place for longer than his usual three days.  She wanted him to relax.

"I can't, I have another hunt lined up."  It wasn't a hunt he had planned on doing, but he couldn't ignore a vision about a man being killed by an impossible force.  He had to go the way to Saginaw, Michigan to stop it from happening.

"Can't someone else do it?" 

"Cassie, I have to do this."

She wasn't going to try to convince Dean any further or convince him to stay in town a few days. It wouldn't work.  She knew if she tried it would just lead to an argument.  She wanted Dean to be happy and to come back to visit, knowing he would always be welcome.  "Come back and visit."

"I promise.  I don't want to miss a chance to eat your mom's pie."

"Call more often and let us know that you're okay.  Mom worries about you and so do I.  Please be more careful."

"Cassie, I'll be fine.  Tell your mom it won't be long before my next visit."

"I will, please take care."  She knew she was repeating her words, but Dean never seemed to care a lot for his own welfare.    He always seemed to value other people’s lives above his own.

"Promise."  He closed the phone and put it on the dashboard.  It would have been nice to stay with Cassie and her mom for a few days, but he couldn't afford to get comfortable.  He had to carry on with the hunt.


It had been a three hour bus ride, spent with screaming kids and arguing couples.  Three hours thinking of all the things he could say to Bobby.  How could he tell Dean's unofficial protector why he had chosen to hunt with John?  Leaving John had been easy, but standing outside Bobby's front door was terrifying.  He had so much to say, but he couldn't find the words to speak.  Turning round, he began to walk back down the porch stairs.  Maybe it would be wise to come back later when he had some idea of what to say.

"Don't move."  Bobby ordered. He had been watching Sam for the last twenty minutes, hoping he would choose to knock.  He had kept quiet as Sam stared at his front door looking scared.

Turning round Sam tried to look casual, but knew he had failed.  "Bobby, how are things?”

Bobby kept silently repeating that Sam wasn't like John.  He was willing to hear what Sam had to say, but it had better be good.  "Come inside Sam."

He walked back up the porch stairs and though the front door Bobby held open.  He walked into the kitchen and placed his bag on the table.  He wasn't sure if he should sit down. 

Once Sam was in the house he quickly thought of all the weapons he had within easy reach.  He didn't trust Sam enough to be in the room with him weaponless.  He wasn't going easy on Sam.  The kid needed to realize just how badly he had fucked things up.  "Sit down."


Holding up his hand to stop Sam from going any further he asked, “What do you want?"

Even though it was hard, he looked Bobby in the eye and said, “I want help to find Dean."

Pulling out a chair from the table Bobby sat down.  He knew where Dean was, even if the kid only contacted him on a weekly basis.  He liked to know where Dean could be found at a moment's notice, as it was easier to protect him if the need arose.  He also wanted to be sure that Dean wasn't risking his life more than was necessary.  "Why are you asking for my help?"

"I know he would have kept in contact with you."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I just need your help to find him."

Dealing with the Winchesters when they didn't want to share information was difficult.  Usually he would take his time getting the information he wanted, but he simply didn't have enough patience to do that.    He had a great faith in Dean's ability as a hunter, but the kid needed company.  He needed someone to protect his back and keep him sane.  "I'm not going to be shocked with what you have to tell me.  I already know you love him."

"I need to let him know why I left."

"What would stop you from leaving Dean again?  What has changed that makes reuniting with Dean so important."


"I know John can be a manipulative bastard.  I don't think for one minute you left Dean in the Impala, injured and in the middle of nowhere without that man's input.  You can't blame what you did to Dean on John's influence alone.  You are a grown man and more than capable of forming your own opinions.  So tell me why you have this sudden need to reconnect with Dean.  What does he have that you suddenly need?"

"Without Dean I don't feel the same."

"That isn't a good enough reason.  This has nothing to do with how you feel.  I'm not about to help you find Dean just so you can feel better.  You need a better reason."

"He is the only family I have that I love."

Bobby knew that Sam was getting close to the real reason as to why he wanted to find Dean.  It wasn't all about feelings or family.  It had everything to do with the relationship that Sam wanted to share with Dean.  He knew that Sam wanted to protect Dean from the harsher side of life, but it wasn't that simple.  "That isn't the reason you want my help.  If that was true you would never have ignored Dean for six years."

"He has forgiven me for that.  He knows that I didn't mean to do it."

"How would you feel if the only family member who claims to love you leaves and doesn't make any effort to contact you for six years?"

"Why are you rehashing all this?  Dean and I have already had this conversation.  He forgave me.  It's not your forgiveness I'm asking for only your help."

"Answer the question."

In all the conversations Sam had with Dean concerning the past, Bobby's question had never been given any thought.  "I wouldn't have been so easy to forgive.  It would have always been at the back of my mind that he would leave again."

Bobby knew that Sam was finally beginning to understand the gravity of what he had done.  "Now tell me why I should help you find him."

"I finally realize that I don't need to prove to John that I can be that perfect hunter.  Dean always accepted the person I became after college.  He did used to joke about how rusty my skills as a hunter could be.  I miss all of the quirks he had.   I miss him."

"Whether you like to admit it or not you have always been far too much like John.  You both share the same stubborn tendency to always have to be the one who is right, even when you're not.  You can't reunite with Dean still maintaining that view."

He wanted to deny that Bobby was telling him an obvious truth, but past evidence proved otherwise.  The short time he had been with Dean was always filled with his need to prove that he knew how to look after him.  He didn't want to reunite with Dean and settle back into the same routine.  He wanted a relationship that would be equal. "I can't deny that I'm like John.  I know that we are both stubborn, but I'm not going to lose any hope I have with Dean because of that.  I want to be his partner in hunting and life."

"I know where Dean can be found.  From the information I have managed to gather he is staying in Hibbing, Minnesota.  He is investigating a man’s disappearance."

"Thank you for helping me.  You have no idea how much it means for me to be reunited with Dean."

Bobby knew that he had made the right decision in helping Sam. He couldn't let the kid go without making sure that he accepted this would be his last and only chance with Dean.  He wouldn't help Sam again after this.  "If by some chance you screw this up don't visit me again.  I don't want to hear from you and any form of communication will be rejected.  If you hurt Dean again, find a place to hide and pray that I never find you."

maria9631maria9631 on December 2nd, 2012 01:35 am (UTC)
Sammy is like always thinking about himself.
i can't believe Bobby actually told him where to find Dean
I don't believe Sam's explaination at all.
Isn't he still "SCared" Dean is gonna hurt him???

My Poor Dean Hugs him <3