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21 September 2012 @ 11:25 am
Author: claudia_lexan
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 3,604
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Thank you to my beta Mago186.
Notes: Au, univerise. The title of this story is from the Blue October song - Hate Me.
Disclaimer: These are not characters of my own creation
Summary: what if Dean was the little brother. Sam still went away to college but he left his little brother with his dad figuring, foolishly, that he could trust his old man to take care of him.

“I know.”

He instantly knew that John had not kept his promise. Like a fool he had believed the meeting would remain a secret. It was frustrating to get a promise from the man only to have it be useless. Sam was never meant to find out that he had confronted John. It was something he had done for himself. Sitting on the Impala’s hood he wanted to ask Sam why they had to have this conversation on a deserted road. Why couldn’t it have taken place in a diner over a nice slice of pie? “Know what exactly?”

He knew that Dean was pissed off with him. They were barely a two hour drive away from the asylum. It was a hunt Dean refused to talk about. The meeting with John was only something he had found out about though a phone call from Missouri just minutes after leaving the asylum. Now he was worried. “John.”

“Be more specific about him.” He had no intention of just opening up and telling Sam everything he wanted to know. He wasn’t in a sharing mood.

“After we left the asylum Missouri called. She told me all about the meeting with John. She is worried about you and so am I.”

He could understand why Missouri was worried about him but with Sam he wasn’t sure. “There is nothing to worry about.”

“I know John was hard on you and he has a lot to answer for. I don’t want you to feel as if the meeting with him is something you have to hide. I want you to share things with me.”

Sam was in an emotional mood. That meant another long meaningful conversation where he was expected to co-operate. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. He wanted to treat his injuries, sleep for 14 hours straight and swallow a few pills. “I’m not going to do this Sam. If you want to have a meaningful conversation call a damn talk show.”

“Don’t do this, please don’t shut me out.”

“What do you want me to do Sam? The meeting with John is not up for discussion. What I want right now is a decent slice of pie and some sleep.”

“The damn pie can wait. We need to talk.”

He wanted to move of the hood of the impala and go get some painkillers from the first aid kit in the trunk. That involved moving though and he just didn’t have it in himself to move more than a few inches. He carefully placed one arm around his ribs in the vain hope he could ease his pain. It was obvious that he was injured but Sam didn’t seem to notice. “Do you seriously expect me to just tell you everything?”

“I don’t want you to hide things from me.”

“The meeting with John happened. It’s all you need to know.”

“It’s just not that simple. From what Missouri told me I know the meeting was your way of confronting him. You may even believe that it was a good thing to do with just Missouri as support, but John is dangerous.”

He could feel his anger with Sam slowly begin to build. He wasn’t a kid who needed to be reassured. He was an experienced hunter. John had just been another demon that he needed to confront. “I know the meeting with John was dangerous, I’m not stupid. It was something I had to do.”

“You shouldn’t have done it alone.”


“He may not have been psychically abusive with you, but it’s the words he used.”

“Why it is so important for you to know what happened. Why can’t you trust me enough to let it go?”

He could see how exhausted Dean had become. The dark circles around his eyes and the way he held himself wasn’t normal. He knew that Dean had several injuries from the asylum that needed to be treated. Concern and worry for Dean was at the forefront of his mind, but he had to put it to one side. John was an issue that couldn’t be ignored. “For the last few days things have different between us.”

“What did you expect Sam. A few broken promises and I would give into any demand you made. You still don’t understand that there are just some things I need to do alone. I can’t suddenly stop years of habits just to make life easier for you.”

He wanted to ask Dean how many times he would have to make promises. He loved Dean and would do anything for him. It was just slowly becoming harder to deal with Dean’s constant mood and attitude changes. “Don’t do this to us. I love you and I’m not asking you to change. I just want to protect you.”

“How can you protect me when…?”


“One possession, a screwed up doctor and a demon with a thing for screwing with us will make it impossible. You can’t protect me, when you can’t even protect yourself.”

“That isn’t fair Dean. I keep apologising for the asylum. Those words, my actions were not my fault. I was possessed. I would never be so cruel to you.”

He really wanted to laugh at the utter naivety of Sam’s words. It was almost comical listening to him brush aside any reasonability for the injuries he had. If he was in a better may have mood he may have been willing to let Sam believe his excuses, but he wasn’t. “You were never possessed. What took place in the asylum was a result of Ellicott using you as an experiment subject. You meant every damn word.”

Looking at Dean he wanted to deny that deep down he didn’t mean what he said at the asylum. He wanted to deny that there wasn’t a part of him that enjoyed hurting Dean. It sickened him to have those feelings. “I love you Dean. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you. Ellicott may have made me angry enough to kill you, but it’s just not that simple.”

His eyes now red with tears he was holding back he replied, “The gun I gave you could have been loaded. You could have killed me. Tell me how that isn’t simple.”

“For six years I couldn’t protect you from John. I just left for college and lived what I thought was a normal existence. For reasons that seem so damn so petty now I never made any real effort to contact you. I let myself believe you would be okay with him. The life I had in Stanford was good, but I could never relax and be the real me. When I’m with you I feel like I’m home. I can be who I am and I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he had heard those words form Sam. Each time he heard them he was slightly dismissive. He never actually believed Sam loved him. If Sam did love him, why couldn’t he have made more of an effort to resist Ellicott? “Why couldn’t you resist Ellicott? Why did you try to kill me?”

“It seems so stupid but it was a frustrating anger.”

“That is the only excuse you have?”

“It’s not an excuse. You wanted a reason why I couldn’t resist Ellicott and I’m trying to explain. Those little digs and sarcastic comments you keep making are not making it easy.”

“Tell me why, without any hesitation.”

“I don’t want to be your brother. It’s never going to be enough for me. I want to be your lover. I want to wake up each morning with you in my arms.”

Tears slowly beginning to slip down Dean’s cheek as he very carefully got up from the Impala’s hood. He made sure the keys were in his hand. He needed that reassurance of a quick getaway, even if any movement he made was painfully slow. “I can either be your brother or lover.”

“I’m not giving you an ultimatum.”

“Sure sounds like you are to me.”

“I love you. I want to be your partner. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Sam wanted to reach out and touch Dean, but a small fear of how Dean would react at being touched stopped him from moving.

“I haven’t known what it’s like to have you as my brother for years. During the past few months you have been more like a friend who protects me. I want a big brother, but we will never be brothers again. We’ve lost that connection. We can, we could be partners.”

Unable to hide the shock from his voice he said, “We can, but…”

“I won’t change my mind Sam. I know I told you about the problems I have with certain things, but I’ve had enough of denying myself what I want. I’m not going to let him ruin any chance at happiness I can get.”

Stepping closer to Dean he reached out and took hold of Dean’s hand. He began to gently rub circles on Dean’s hand, attempting to offer some comfort and reassurance. “I love you. I have always loved you more than a brother should.”

Dean smiled, and for the first time in years it was a smile for Sam. “John told me so many things in that meeting.”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“The one thing he will never know, that only Missouri knows, is that I have visions.” Dean waited for a few seconds, expecting laughter or mocking, but when there was none he continued speaking. “I had a vision of you confronting John.”

“What happened?”

He didn’t want to share all the details of his vision with Sam. It could be the one thing that caused it to come true. “You don’t need to know.”


Letting go of Sam’s hand he looked him in the eye and said, “The vision left me with a headache that lasted a few days. I don’t want a repeat experience.”

Sam decided he wasn’t going to ask Dean anymore more questions about John. The asylum hunt was never going to be something they talked about in detail. It was a shock to find out that Dean had visions, but it didn’t change how he felt. It just made him a little more protective. He knew other hunters would not be so understanding. “It’s okay Dean. The visions are a part of you. If you want to talk about them I will listen. All I want right now is the car keys.”


“You are not in any fit state to drive to the nearest motel. So give me the car keys and I’ll drive us there.”

For a moment he thought about reminding Sam about the last few hours of driving he had done. It was a petty thing for him to do and would only start another argument. Sam driving the Impala would mean he could sleep. Without a single word he gave Sam the car keys.

“Get in the back. You can at least stretch out a bit more.”

Dean was about to agree with Sam when his phone began to ring. Reluctantly he took it out of his pocket and locked at the screen. Caller unknown. It meant John was contacting him. He was in no mood to talk to John. He knew it could be a mistake, but he gave the phone to Sam.

Sam took the phone from Dean and flipped it open. “Hello.”

“Where is Dean?”

For a few minutes Sam didn’t answer John’s demand. He quietly watched as Dean got onto the back seat of the Impala and lay down. He carefully closed the open door, so that Dean wouldn’t be able to hear his conversation with John. Dean didn’t look comfortable, but it was a far better place to sleep than the passenger seat. “What do you want?”

“There is a small town called Burkitsville in Indiana. Couples have been going missing on the same day, every year for the last three years. You both need to prevent it from happening again. Whatever is responsible for causing this to happen cannot go unchecked. The next disappearance is due to occur in three days.”

Peering into the car he could see that Dean was now asleep. Even in sleep he didn’t look relaxed. That would be something he changed once they were in a motel room. He had every intention of making sure Dean took a few days off. “We don’t need to do anything. What you need to do is find someone who will help you.”

Sam had always been stubborn, something they shared in common. At times it could be frustrating, but now it was just pissing John off. After six years away from the hunt Sam needed to prove his worth as a hunter. “You and Dean are the most qualified hunters.”

Keeping a watchful eye on Dean he replied, “Find someone else.”

“You don’t seem to understand just how important this hunt is. Two people will die if you do nothing. Are you willing to be responsible for those deaths?”

Sam wanted nothing more than to find John and leave him bloodied in a nest full of hungry vampires. Violent revenge for all the suffering John had put Dean though was something he had spent many hours planning with Bobby. He knew if it acted on his plan he would never have a relationship with Dean. “Contact another hunter.”

“Let me speak to Dean.”


“He is my son.”

He wanted to tell John those were words he had not used to describe Dean for a long time. He wasn’t going to give John any opportunity to manipulate Dean. “Find someone else.”

“There isn’t enough time to contact another hunter.”

“You don’t have anyone else to ask? What happened to all of those hunters who would never let you down?”

“Sam…” How could John tell his son that someone had darkened his reputation? Other hunters no longer admired or respected the focus he had for the hunt. Now they openly disrespected him. No one wanted to be associated with him. The only information he could gather on his hunts had come though his hard work. “I’m not asking too much. I just want someone to save the couple.”

Still watching a sleeping Dean, Sam hardened his resolve. He wasn’t going to let John guilt trip him. “I’ll tell you this one time. Dean and I are no longer hunters you can order about. After this call Dean’s phone number will be changed. You will no longer be able to contact him.”

John wasn’t going to allow Sam to be so openly defiant. It was a good thing that Sam had willpower and confidence, but his current attitude was too much. He had made an attempt to ask nicely and that had been fruitless. Now it was the hard way. “Sam I have a two inch file of all the credit cards you applied for and received. I have copies of all the false claims you have made for health insurance. Hell, I even have old parking tickets you neglectfully left unpaid. All of this information can and will be used to put you in a jail cell.”

Sam knew that he was guilty of crimes such as fraud and con jobs. He had broken so many laws just to maintain a basic standard of living. Attempting to sound unimpressed with John he asked, “Is that meant to scare me?”

John knew that he had Sam exactly where he wanted him. He wouldn’t allow Sam and Dean to continue hunting together. They needed to be separated before Dean could influence Sam. “This file is in a safety deposit box, if you don’t help me I will send the file to the police.”

“That would cause trouble for both of us. Are you willing to risk a jail cell as well?”

“Detective, I had no idea my son could be so devious. I raised him with such strong morals. How could he do this to his family?”

“You were the one who forced me to apply for those cards. I had no idea how to defraud health insurance companies until you taught me. I committed those crimes when I was under the legal age for prosecution.”

“With that piss poor knowledge of law you were going to law school? Sam, you may have committed those crimes while still a minor, but it doesn’t change a damn thing. With the right judge you will get a long jail term. I believe they call it making an example of a person.”

“You wouldn’t do this to your own son.”

“You need to understand that the hunt for the YED is important. You can’t stop hunting with me just so you can stay with him.”

“It’s Dean and I will not leave him.”

“You will help me with the hunt.”

“No amount of threats will get me to leave Dean. I honestly don’t think you’re stupid enough to have a file of my so called crimes in a safety deposit box. You wouldn’t take the risk of it falling into the wrong hands. I’m not joining any hunt you’re on. I’m staying with Dean and you are going to forget we exist.”

The threat of jail time was having no effect on Sam. From the way Sam was being so protective of Dean, John knew he had just one avenue left open to him. Deep down he knew that Mary would be ashamed of him for what he was about to do, but he had no other choice. Sam couldn’t stay with Dean, it was far too dangerous. “You will leave Dean and join me on the hunt for the Yed or there will be consequences.”

“Nothing will get me to leave Dean.”

“You feel protective of Dean. You have this need to make up for the six years you neglected to contact him, I can understand that. He doesn’t deserve that level of protection or love from you. I didn’t want to tell you this, but your continuing denial to help me has forced my hand. Dean is not normal; the kid has been different since the day of the fire.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Sam said, raising his voice more than he wanted to.

“Sam,” John replied, speaking in a softer, more understanding voice so that Sam would believe this was a hard thing to say. He continued, “The demon changed Dean. He isn’t your brother he never has been.”

Even with a strong will, Sam barely managed to keep his voice calm. He would not wake Dean. He wasn’t going to allow John to warp his feelings for Dean. “Bullshit. Dean is my brother and not a damn thing you can say will change that.”

Taking a breath, he ignored Mary’s voice telling him not break apart their sons. Sam needed to be saved from Dean’s influence. He was doing the right thing for his son. “The demon shared his blood with Dean. Do you think I like to admit that I witnessed Dean drinking a demon’s blood?”

“He was a baby. You can’t be sure that the demon’s blood did anything to him.”

John smiled. He knew that he was slowly changing Sam around to his way of thinking. “I never wanted to tell you about the demon blood. I may not have a good relationship with Dean, but I would never try to deny you from having one with him. For months after the fire I watched Dean closely. I refused to believe that he was anything other than my son. I ignored the feelings that the demon had changed him. Then I researched all of the other strange fires that were same as the one that killed Mary. Every baby in those fires survived. Dean is part of a group of people the demon has recruited for his army.”

“He has spent his whole life hunting for the YED, why would work for the demon?”

“The blood changed him. All of the babies that survived the fire have developed abilities. If Dean hasn’t developed any abilities he might be okay, but if he has, it’s too dangerous for you to be with him. It would be in his best interest to leave him.”

“I promised I would never leave him.”

With those seven words John knew that Sam would be leaving Dean. He knew deep within his heart that Dean would never hurt Sam; the kid had a nature that was far too good. It was more than likely that the demon’s blood had little effect on Dean and any abilities he developed could be just a little quirk of nature. “Are you willing to risk your life to find out if the demon’s blood had no effect on him?”

Making as little noise as possible, Sam walked round to the trunk, opened it and took a bag he always kept packed. Closing the trunk with no sound he place his bag on the trunk and opened it. Reaching inside the bag he took out his cell phone. Tears forming at what he was about to do to Dean he said, “You will leave Dean alone. I don’t want you to hurt him anymore than you already have.”

“I promise.”

“You can pick me up at the Bellend bus station. It’s two miles from the Roosevelt Hospital in Rockford, Illinois. Don’t be late.” Without waiting for John’s reply, Sam closed Dean’s cell phone and gently pushed it though the slightly open passenger door window.

Current Music: AC/DC - thunderstruck
AbbySN_24lover: Jensen serioussn_24lover on September 21st, 2012 11:18 am (UTC)
I could totally kill Sam for believeing John and leaving Dean. Poor Dean after all Sams BS about never leaving him. Please don't make us wait to long to found out what happens.

claudia_lexan: pic#62421061claudia_lexan on September 22nd, 2012 01:19 pm (UTC)
I honestly did make several attempts for a happy ending, but my muse wouldn't let me. The next chapter should be out in two weeks.
lunadragonxlunadragonx on September 21st, 2012 07:54 pm (UTC)
Yay, I'm so glad there is more, must go read from the beginning.
claudia_lexan: pic#57603072claudia_lexan on September 22nd, 2012 01:20 pm (UTC)
I'm glad my muse is finally working again
maria9631maria9631 on September 21st, 2012 11:25 pm (UTC)
After feeding him all that BS, he is just Leaving him.
Believing John.
When is Sam gonna find out what John's Friend Steve did to Dean or what JOhn did to Dean?



claudia_lexan: pic#57603128claudia_lexan on September 22nd, 2012 01:23 pm (UTC)
thank you, Sam will eventually find out about john, but it will involve the demon.