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06 October 2008 @ 10:40 am
Author: [info]claudia_lexan
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 2,176
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Thank you to my beta Mago186.
Notes: Au, univerise. The title opf this story is from the Blue October song - Hate Me.
Disclaimer: These are not characters of my own creation
Summary: what if Dean was the little brother. Sam still went away to college but he left his little brother with his dad figuring, foolishly, that he could trust his old man to take care of him.

Hate Me - Part One

Sam stared at the retreating form of his brother as he got up from the floor. He tired to stop the red veil of anger from falling, but failed. How dare Dean tell him that he didn’t care enough to help find their dad! He cared plenty; he just had a life now that didn't include the supernatural. He had friends who had no idea about Sam the hunter. He had a normal life.

He knew that as a brother he should care for Dean a lot more than he did. He had done nothing but look after and care for Dean for 14 years. It was selfish, but he deserved a life where he wasn’t a surrogate parent to his brother. He knew that he was in the wrong for not contacting his family for six years, but once the first two months had passed without his making any effort to contact his family it became easier to continue like that. It became easier to ignore his family. Running back into his apartment, he grabbed his keys off a nearby table and went after his brother.

Dean walked away from his brother’s apartment with various thoughts running though his mind. His first and most prevailing thought was why didn't he hit Sam harder?

It had taken a lot out of him to ask Sam for help. He hadn't wanted to admit that he needed Sam's help. He was 20 years old and that made him more than old enough to deal with their missing dad on his own. However, life was rarely that simple or so easy. He tried everything he knew to find their dad and when none of that had worked he tried a few “off the beaten road” ideas. Nothing had worked.

He had gone to Sam's apartment as a last resort. When he had walked away from Sam, it was with every intention of getting into the Impala and driving away, but he wasn't ready to leave.

He was still making a decision on whether to find a pool hall or not so he could earn some much needed money when he heard Sam calling out his name. Turning round he watched as Sam crossed the road to reach him. It would be so very easy for him to leave. Instead he stood still and waited for his brother to reach him.

“I'll help you find dad. It’s not going to be all that hard to find him,” Sam said as he avoided looking Dean in the eye. If Dean wasn't his brother, the very last thing he would be doing was have a conversation with him.

Battering down his anger at Sam's less than tactful words, he replied, “Why are you here Sam? Because it’s not for dad.”

“I do want to help find our dad,” Sam said putting a lot of emphasis on the words “our dad.”

Snorting back the bark of laughter Dean said, “It’s taken you six years and a visit from me to finally remember that you have a dad. Well done Sam, that pesky little thing called a moral conscious has finally decided to make a long overdue appearance. Go back to your apple pie life.”

“You don’t get to ask for my help and then refuse it. You don’t get to do shit like that. I’m going to help you find dad and you are going to accept that help,” Sam said determinedly.

“I'm not some fucking lapdog you get to give orders to! I’m not 14 years old any more and you haven’t been my big brother for the last six years. Pulling the big brother act now isn’t going to do a damn thing!” Dean snapped.

Dean, you’re acting like a kid who has a huge ass chip on your shoulder. I know five-year-olds who have better manners than you. You are a kid that needs to calm down,” Sam said. He knew that he was being harsh with Dean, but Dean always knew what buttons to push when they argued.

“Name one damn time when I have been like any other kid!” Dean demanded.

“When you were seven years old dad didn't get you that toy car for Christmas. You refused to talk to him for three days,” Sam replied, happy that he had found something to prove his point with.

“The year I turned seven, dad forgot it was my birthday and Christmas was just another day. At seven years old I was entitled to sulk when my own dad forgot my damn birthday,” Dean snapped.

“Dad would never forget your birthday,” Sam said.

Dean resisted the urge to tell Sam that he had a different view of their dad. To their dad, Sam had always been the favoured son and he was the son who didn’t matter that much. He knew that to their dad he was a reminder of a wife that had been lost in a demonic fire. With a brief shrug of his shoulders he said “In the past 20 years he has remembered just 12 of my birthdays, but he has never missed one of yours. During the six years you made no effort to contact us, he still got you a birthday card. Before you come up with some smart-ass remark about me holding a grudge because of that I don’t. It’s just one of those things. You need to back away from my car. I need to find dad.”

We have to find dad,” Sam said. He wasn’t going to let his little brother look for their dad alone.

Disbelief evident in his voice, Dean asked, “Can you just walk away from your life for a few months. After six years away from the hunt, you are rusty. You will not be able to walk back into the life of a hunter without any complications. Hell, it would kill you within the first two days.”

“My skills are not rusty,” Sam said, pissed that Dean no longer held any conviction in his ability as a hunter.

Looking his brother up and down Dean said, “Before I came here, I dealt with this woman in white who tried to kill me. The bitch flung me around like a damn rag doll. I ended up with bruises the colour of a rainbow and a couple of cracked ribs. It was one of the last jobs that dad was working on, but it gave me no real clues on where he could be. All I managed to get was a set of co-ordinates for another hunt. You would not be able to pick yourself up after being thrown around like a rag doll by some pissed of spirit. You would be a liability.”

“If that's true why are you here?” Sam asked.

“I didn’t have a choice.” Dean replied. He had wanted to tell Sam the truth. He wanted to tell Sam. He wanted to tell Sam that the hunt was becoming harder to do alone. The hunt wasn't harder because he lacked the talent or skill for it, it was because the loneliness was becoming too much.

Sam knew without question that Dean was lying. Every time Dean lied his eyes always shone with the truth. Taking a breath he asked, “Tell me the truth.”

“That was the truth.” Dean said refusing to admit to a lie. He wasn’t going to let Sam have that kind of power over him.

“Bullshit man! When will you learn that I always know when you are lying?” Sam asked. He hated it that after six years apart, Dean couldn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth.

“Fuck you Sam! This isn’t a damn soap opera where I tell you what you want to hear,” Dean spat. He was beginning to get pissed of. He never had an abundance of patience when it came to arguing with Sam.

“I just want you to tell me the truth,” Sam implored.

“I only found out dad had been missing for two months when he didn't contact me as scheduled. I tried everything I could think of to find him. I even tried a few methods of finding him that were highly questionable, but none of it worked. It took me a month to run out of ways to find him. I came here for help. I needed a fresh pair of eyes on this hunt. And maybe there is this small part of me that is so fucking tired of being alone,” Dean said softly.

“I’m sorry…”

“What are you sorry for? I’m not that fucking bitter or twisted that I blame you for leaving me with dad. I'm happy you got that college experience. You got to live that normal life. You had the chance to achieve a dream. What pisses me of is the total lack of contact for six years. I'm angry that you found it so damn easy to cut all ties with your family. How do I know that once I've found dad again you won't leave?” Dean asked.

“I promise I won’t leave again straight away,” Sam said knowing that it had been the wrong thing, but it wasn’t going to being something he confessed to.

“Lucky me. So how long would I be graced with your presence?”

“You have to understand that I have a life here. I can't just walk away from that and never come back. Friends and work colleagues would worry,” Sam said as he tired to explain to Dean why he could never rejoin the hunt on a permanent basis.

“I understand that family is no where near as important as the life you have now,” Dean sneered. He had gone way past the point of being civil towards Sam. What was the damn point of being civil when Sam wanted to help, but only for as long as it suited him?

Dean, once we find dad you can come back with me. I have a spare bedroom and you could enrol at the local college,” Sam offered. He was hopeful that he could take Dean away from the life of a hunter and give him a life that was more normal.

He couldn’t help the joyless laugh that escaped his lips. How could he go to college when he had never even finished his high school education?

“What’s so funny?” Sam demanded.

“After you left, we moved around a lot more. Dad found more hunts that were on opposite sides of the country. I dropped out of high school because I fell so far behind it just wasn't worth going any more. I know dad made sure I wouldn't get to finish high school and I don't blame him. I knew he needed me more on the hunt. Sitting in a classroom, learning about some shit I will never use wasn't going to help me do that,” Dean said.

In that moment, all Sam felt was complete and utter anger towards their dad. He had trusted their dad to look after Dean and ensure that he had something that resembled a normal life. He had never expected their dad to deny Dean the chance of finishing his high school education. “When I left I honestly believed that dad would look after you. I didn’t think he would go and do this.”

“Don’t blame any of this on dad. He did his best for me. He may not have been the greatest father, but he has always been their when I’ve needed him.” Dean said as he ran a hand over his head. He wasn’t getting anywhere talking to Sam. He needed to get back to the search for their dad.

“Why don’t we delay the search for dad by a day? We can go back to my apartment to catch up,” Sam suggested. He didn’t want to spend the next hour talking to his brother outside in the cold. Once back in his apartment, he could try to convince Dean that looking for their dad wasn’t something they needed to do. He needed to convince Dean that he could have a life outside the hunt.

“I can’t delay the search for dad for another day. The longer I delay the search, the harder it will be to pick up his trail. The co-ordinates that I found in dad’s journal lead to some Colorado forests where there have been a few unexplained supposed grizzly bear attacks. I figure it’s most probably a Wendigo as it matches all the details I have managed to dig up. Getting rid of that Wendigo is more important than saying here for an extra day,” Dean said as he opened the driver’s side of the Impala and got in. He slammed the door shut so Sam would take the hint and leave, although it wasn't with enough force to damage his baby.

Making a snap decision, Sam got into the Impala before Dean was able to drive away. Turning slightly in the seat to look at Dean he said, “Let’s go to those woods.”

Current Mood: calmcalm
I suffer from Kane-Carlson-Ackles-Padalecki-itisgilesgirl on October 7th, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
Cool! :)