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05 October 2008 @ 12:09 pm
Author: [info]claudia_lexan
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 1,456
Rating: NC-17
Notes: Thank you to my beta Mago186.
Notes: Au, univerise.  The title opf this story is from the Blue October song   -  Hate Me.
Disclaimer: These are not characters of my own creation
Summary: what if Dean was the little brother. Sam still went away to college but he left his little brother with his dad figuring, foolishly, that he could trust his old man to take care of him.

Sam, the big brother he used to look up to, left him with there dad to start a new life at college.


He had been just 14 at the time, but he had been old enough to know that he had just lost the only friend he would ever have. That thought alone had, in some small part, made realize just how fucking sad his life had become. He had known at 14 that college was a normal part of life. It was something most teenagers aspired to after finishing there high school education. It was average and Winchesters had never been a part of that average—until Sam.


Six years had past since the day and he could still remember the promises Sam had made to never leave him and to always be there for him. He wasn’t naive enough to believe that Sam would stick by his side until they were old men. At 14, he had just wanted his big brother to love him enough to stay until he was at least 17. Then he would have been able to leave home without needing there dad’s permission. But Sam had chosen to leave home while he was only 14. Sam had left him with a dad whose conversation skills were limited to a few words on his best days.


He could still remember the first two months after Sam had left home in surprising detail. For those two months, they had stayed in one place. He finally had the time to settle in one town. He had even made plans to go to the school dance. It had been the last time he had made any plans that involved high school.


Once those two months were over with, they never stayed in one place for longer than was necessary.


His education slowly became less important. He finally fell so far behind in school that dropping out had become his only option. It had been something that his dad had agreed with. He had known that the moment he began to miss large chunks of high school that it had been his dad’s fault. How could he have a high school education? He was never in a town long enough to enrol in the local high school. Their dad had wanted to ensure that he would never be able to leave as Sam had done. It should have bothered him that their dad had stopped him from finishing high school, but what was the point. The hunt was going to kill him long before he could even begin to plan for a future.


Shortly after he had dropped out of high school, his training had become a lot more intense. His dad became more like a commander in charge of training a new recruit to the marines. Any plans he would have made to re-start his education never made it past his first thought. He embraced the hunt and he accepted the role he had been given in life.


Just six months before he made the journey to see Sam his dad had given him the keys to the Impala. It was the only gift that their dad had given to him without some serious strings attached. For a while, the idea that he had been freely given him the Impala made him happy. It wasn’t a feeling that lasted.


During the four years that Sam had been at college, there had still been no contact. Any hurt that he had felt about being ignored by his big brother had long since disappeared. Any feelings he had for anyone were buried behind a wall deep within his heart. During those four years, he had learned that when it came to his feelings, it was better to suppress them. After those four years, he finally reached the decision to visit Sam. He had made it all the way to the only address he had for Sam. He had stood outside that address, knocked on the door, and with a naivety that he now found embarrassing, expected Sam to answer. All he got was a stranger who told him that Sam had moved out two months ago. He had been forced to listen to the stranger bitch about how badly Sam had been treated by his family. He could still remember the way he had held his gun too tightly that his hands ached for hours afterwards. He could remember the many thoughts of violence that filtered though his mind as he listened to the stranger bitch. He could still remember how much it had cost him to just walk away from the stranger without uttering a word in rebuke.


It was the one time other than today that he had made any effort to contact Sam.


Now six years had past since he had last seen Sam. Six years without any contact and he had changed. He was far harder and meaner than the 14-year-old boy his brother had known. Gone was the lust he once had for life. In its place was a bitter resentment that everything he wanted from life was ripped from his reach before he had the chance to achieve it. His body had also changed. He no longer looked like a scrawny kid who was far too skinny. He had the kind of body men envied and women wanted to fuck. More than once, he had been offered large sums of money in return for a sexual favour. It was an offer both men and women had made.


Six years without the influence of a big brother had changed him, but he wasn’t sure if it was a change he could be proud of.


It had taken him several weeks, but he had managed to track Sam down for the second time. Sam was living in a nice apartment and training to be a lawyer. Sam had the kind of life that for him had always been nothing more than a whispered myth.


Standing outside Sam’s apartment, all he wanted was to be someplace else. He wanted to be in a bar drinking an ice-cold beer and hustling some poor kid out of his college fund. He couldn’t have that beer just yet. He needed Sam’s help in finding their dad first.


Squaring his shoulders, he knocked on the door and waited for an answer. He only had to wait for a few minutes before Sam opened the door.


Dean? Come in,” Sam said, surprised to see his brother at his door.


“I don’t have time for idle conversation just so you can catch up on six years of my life. I’m here to ask for your help in finding dad. He has been missing for the last three months. It’s not like dad to go three months without contacting me,” Dean replied.


While Dean had been speaking, Sam took the chance to take a good look at his brother. Dean had grown into a man that was too damn good looking. He could only speculate on just how muscular Dean was because he was still fully clothed. With the way Dean’s t-shirt tightened across his chest, he knew that Dean must have a great body. He was surprised that his brother had made it to his apartment without being jumped upon or groped. Dean was beautiful. It was in that moment that he realized Dean was his baby brother and therefore off limits. As casually as he could manage, he said, “He could be busy. You know what dad can be like.”


Narrowing his eyes at Sam’s slight dig at their dad he coolly replied, “You have no idea what dad is like now. I need your help to find him. If you don’t want to help me I won’t bother you again.”


Dean, it’s been six years. You can’t just turn up on my doorstep like this and expect me to say yes.” Sam did want to help his brother, but he could not just leave his life.


“I don’t expect anything from you Sam. Expecting something from you would just lead to disappointment. I get that you have a life here; a life that so very obviously excludes your family. I was wrong to come here. You can’t help me find dad. You just don’t care enough for your family any more to make that much of an effort,” Dean said as he turned away from Sam.


Without putting any thoughts into his actions, Sam grabbed hold of Dean to turn him back around only to find himself on the receiving end of a punch that knocked him on his ass.


Dean looked down at Sam said, “You don’t get to touch me Sam. No one does.”

Current Mood: stressedstressed
aidanirlaidanirl on October 5th, 2008 11:56 am (UTC)
claudia_lexan: pic#77186678claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 12:02 pm (UTC)
this story was orginally in answer to a challenge on the sam/Dean slash arhive, about Dean being the little brother. The possible ways that this story could go in are endless.
idiot4deanidiot4dean on October 5th, 2008 01:45 pm (UTC)
So is this a one-off or verse? I love how Dean still becomes a hardened hunter but without the instict to care about people. He's been denied the life his brother took for granted and has become very bitter. I'd love to see how Sam tries to get back into his life, or did Dean just walk away and Sam not try and find him?
claudia_lexan: pic#58077577claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 02:11 pm (UTC)
This is more than a one off and a series. I believe that looking after Sam made Dean keep the caring side of his soul. Without that happening in this universe, Dean has become bitter. This will be slash, because I can't write anything else. The wincest part of the relationship will be slow going. I already have three part beta - read, all I have to do is post them.
(no subject) - idiot4dean on October 5th, 2008 02:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 02:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
katie_the_sith: secretkatie_the_sith on October 5th, 2008 01:51 pm (UTC)
oh i likes it. can't wait for the next instalment!...which would be when exactly? XD you are going to continue it right?

nice work keep it up
claudia_lexan: pic#77186678claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
I will be continueing with this fic, next chapter will be posted tomorrow.

Now all I have to do is try and write another chapter for Fell On Black days. I'm lucky that when I'm stressed I tend to write.
nachekananachekana on October 5th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
That looks really interesting. I've been fascinated by the possibility of a younger Dean since I've read this: http://sin-of-pride.livejournal.com/73989.html?view=648965 (look the number 18. The writer broke my heart with 3 lines). Who Dean is has so much to do with taking care of Sam that, if you remove that, the possibilities are endless.

I really can't wait to see what will come next! :D
claudia_lexan: pic#77186524claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 04:57 pm (UTC)
I do think that Dean as younger has so many possibilities. He will be different from the dean we know in the show, but thats good. Next part should be up by tomorrow.
batina35batina35 on October 5th, 2008 04:16 pm (UTC)
I read this before when you posted at another site and I loved it then. I love it now too. I hope you continue and complete the story. It always seems like in any story with Dean as the younger brother those stories are never completed. I hope you complete this one. Can't wait for the next update.
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 04:59 pm (UTC)
I originally had this posted on my fanfiction.net account and then on the sam/dean slash archive. This version has been beta read and will be updated on a regular basis. I'm currently writing the fifth part.
oddie33325oddie33325 on October 5th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
Loved this!!! Dean is so hardcore I feel so bad for him I just want to hug him :P
claudia_lexan: pic#77186524claudia_lexan on October 5th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
Would this version of Dean want a hug. A beer or a coffee maybe.
Vain, the Juggler: Get Me Pievain_chan on October 5th, 2008 05:09 pm (UTC)
O.O A very, very intriguing start. I've always wanted to find a decent fic wherein Dean become truly embittered about the way his life is. Can't wait to see more.
claudia_lexan: pic#57602812claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 07:51 am (UTC)
I figured that with Dean being the younger brother and Sam leaving him with a abusive dad, his whole outlook on life wouldn't be very cheerful. Will be posting the next chapter today.
shadowb3eshadowb3e on October 5th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
I read a story that is exactly like this some months ago, but I can't remember the author, or title. Was it you?

If so, does this mean you are going to be adding more? I liked the story, and was sad when there was nothing more ever added. It's good, and I would really like to know what happens.

Plus, I love Dean as the younger brother stories.
claudia_lexan: pic#57602945claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:14 am (UTC)
I do have this posted on fanfiction.net under the pename of claudia1. It's also on sam/dean slash archive under claudia. The previous version of this story wasn't beta read and this one has been. I will be continuing with this story. I have quite a few ideas with how it could all turn out. The big thing being what happens when John makes an appearance
Moonstone: grabmoonstone1220 on October 6th, 2008 12:27 am (UTC)
OMG!!!!! I so need more ! this is brilliant !
More please!
claudia_lexan: pic#57602812claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:15 am (UTC)
thank you the next part will be posted later on today
wicca_faith_fi: devidedwicca_faith_fi on October 6th, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
wowzee. love this. would love more. It is gonna be a series right? Because on its own it isn't actually slash - not really. But I love the fanfiction and the angst. I would love even more if there was even more. xxx
claudia_lexan: pic#77186524claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:24 am (UTC)
The slash won't be happening until later chapters. I wanted to describe there relationship as brothers and how much that had changed over six years. This is a continuing series and I am currently working on the fifth part.
hunters_retreathunters_retreat on October 6th, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
Oh oh oh my...

God I love a darker Dean :P

I can't wait to see what you do with this!!!
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:27 am (UTC)
Yep, Dean is going to be bitter, sarcastic and have walls built around his emotions that will be hard to get though. Sam will soon reaize the damage he has done by leaving Dean with there dad.
I suffer from Kane-Carlson-Ackles-Padalecki-itisgilesgirl on October 6th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC)
Keep going!!!!!!!!! :)
claudia_lexan: pic#77186524claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:30 am (UTC)
I will be, it's just going to be hard - so many bloody plot bunnies and not enough time.
(no subject) - gilesgirl on October 7th, 2008 03:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
claudia_lexan: pic#77186524claudia_lexan on October 6th, 2008 08:33 am (UTC)
Thank you for your comment. I will be looking at those grammer errors you pointed out in this first sentence. I can't promise they will be fixed in the next few days. I will be posting the next chapter today and I will hopefully be updating on a regular basis. The idea of Dean being the little brother has been done by other authors, but I thought I'd give it go.
(Deleted comment)
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on October 7th, 2008 07:36 am (UTC)
I read that in The season One companion guide. Jensen originally read for the part of Sam, but they got him to read for Dean and discovered that part suited him a lot better. Dean and Sam's relationship will eventually get better in this chapter, but it's a long path to get to that point.
serendip50serendip50 on October 8th, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
Hey there,

I love this already. The premise sounds really interesting.

Waiting impatiently for more.
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on October 9th, 2008 08:29 am (UTC)
Second chapter has already been posted. Third should be up within a couple of days