Log in

No account? Create an account
14 July 2007 @ 03:18 pm

Title: Better Than Me
Fandom: Csi: New York, Supernatural
Characters: Dean Winchester, Danny Messer

Word Count: 1,935
Rating: PG – 13

Notes: This story is in answer to a bunnie place on the spn_bunnie livejournal by lady_foxfire.  This is a conversation that Dean has with his friend after his family’s less than good reaction to his being gay. The next chapter will be more of a flashback.   
Summary: When a family turns there backs on you because of your sexuality there is only one thing you can do.  You go to see the only person left who cares about you.

Disclaimer: They are not my characters and belong to those that created them.


Dean stared at the small wisps of steam that was coming up from his cup of coffee.  So far, the mug of coffee hadn’t been touched but it wasn’t because he didn’t want the coffee.  Coffee was one of the things that managed to get him though the day after a night of very little sleep.

He just had too much on his mind to even think about drinking the coffee.

“It was,” he began “the most terrifying thing I had ever done.  I stood in front of Sam and I…

Running a hand over his short hair, he shook his head in a silent show of frustration.  Why couldn’t he find the words to just describe what had happened a week ago?  Usually he had no trouble finding the correct words for what he wanted to say.


Danny sat on the other side of the table.  Danny’s only indication that he was listening to what Dean was telling him was the way in which his left eyebrow twitched.  Other than that, Danny betrayed no outward emotion on his handsome face.

“What did you tell Sam.” he asked “What was his reaction”


Dean sighed something that he only ever did when he was stressed or pissed of with something.  “I told him I was gay.” He told Danny “Sam reacted in a way that was not expected.”


“What did you expect?”  Danny carefully asked

“He called me all the names you would expect from a drunken homophobe.  He told me that I was no longer his brother… he even pulled a gun on me…,”

He could still a furious Sam in his minds eye.  It hurt in so many ways to have his brother turn against him with such frightening ease.

“Then … Dean began

“You can tell me.” Danny said half-formed plans of revenge on Samuel Winchester beginning to form in his mind.

Licking his lips Dean said. “He tried to convince me that I was joking.  When I told him that I liked taking it up the ass he was less than impressed.  I know I could have used better ways to describe my sex life but he was pissing me of with his holier than thou attitude.”

Danny smiled at the way in which Dean had told San about his sex life.  It was so very much like Dean.  Still smiling he asked. “How did he react?”

Looking at his ex-lover and his now best friend Dean replied; “He actually told me that my sexual needs were more veil and wrong than anything we had ever hunted.  Then he started to look though dad’s journal muttering about a cleansing ritual to get rid of the evil in me.  I pretended not to hear what he was saying and told Sam I was going out for a drink.  That was over a week ago.”

“Has Sam made any attempts to contact you?”  Danny asked curios to know if Sam had actually realized what an asshole he had been.

“Sam called me an hour after I had left the motel room demanding to know what bar I was whoring myself out in,” he paused a moment before saying “I told Sam that he couldn’t afford the prices I was charging.  I then told Sam that my sugar daddy was taking me to a fancy hotel so I would be out of touch for a few days.”

Danny couldn’t help but laugh at what Dean had just told him.  He knew it would hurt Dean to have his little brother turn against him with such frightening speed.  He also knew that Dean wouldn’t stand idly by and let his brother get away with hurting him so much.  “How did Sam react to that?”

It was with a smirk that Dean replied, “Called me a few names,” after a brief moment’s pause and trying to sound casual he added “Told me that I disgrace to the Winchester name and that our mom would be ashamed of me. When he said that it took everything I had in me not to drive back to the motel and kick his ass into next week.”

Right now all Danny wanted to do was seriously hurt Samuel Winchester.  He was sure that Mac and Don would help him hide the body.  Sam had hurt his ex-lover and close friend that couldn't go unpunished. “What stopped you?”

Dean took a breath and let it out before answering “His not worth it.”

Danny knew that wasn’t even close to the truth of why had not gone back to the motel, but he wasn’t going to press for answers.

“Shit I know that’s not the real reason.  Sam hurt me.  He was one of the few people whose opinion I actually gave a damn about.  Sam has always had this ability to worm his way under my defensives.  When he was a kid I could never say no to him” he told Danny “I knew if I went back to that motel room I would give Sam whatever he wanted.”

“My brother was exactly the same sure we used to fight but he always had my best interests at heart.  He could never say no to me and I could never say no to him.  In the end it got him killed.”  Danny said

“I’m sorry.”  Dean said.  He knew from there shared past together that Danny had distanced himself from his family but he never questioned why.

“It’s not your fault.  He just wasn’t able to walk away from the family.” Danny said, “Maybe Sam just reacted out of shock.”

Glancing down at his cup of coffee, he noticed that there were no longer any wisps of steam rising from it.  He had let it go cold and that just wasn’t like him.  Coffee was almost an addiction for him.  Without a coffee or three in the morning, he was usually very cranky.

Danny had noticed that Dean’s had let his coffee go cold and said; “Here,” reaching across the table to pick up the cup he signaled for a waitress, he gave the waitress the cold cup of coffee and asked for another one “I’ll get you another.”

“Thanks,” Dean said paying not attention to the waitress who placed the new cup of coffee in front of him.  In past times, he would have flirted with the waitress as if he had something to prove to Sam.  He didn’t have to do that now he was happy with who he was “So how is your love life.”

Danny knew his friend was trying to change the focus of the conversation but he wasn’t going to mention anything.  “Fine Mac and I have told are friends about our relationship.  There all pleased for us.”

“What about Lindsay.”  Dean asked.  From the many phone conversation he had with Danny Lindsay had always been something of a sore point.  Lindsay from what Danny had told him was forever following Mac around like some lovesick schoolgirl.

“She is happy for us and said something about all the good looking men being gay or married.”  Danny said “What about your love life.”

“Still single.”  Dean said

“That’s a surprise.  You don’t seem like someone who would be short of attention.  There hasn’t been anyone who has caught your eye.”  Danny asked.  He knew that Dean was someone who didn’t like to be alone.  That wasn’t a bad thing about his friend just the opposite.

With just a hint of a smile Dean said; “I have a dad who would leave me injured and bleeding as bait for a pissed of werewolf that was before I told him I was bisexual.  Now dad and Sam would send me on hunt hoping that I wouldn’t come back.  Having any kind of relationship with such a hunt happy family wouldn’t work,”

Yeah now, he defiantly wanted to kill John and Sam Winchester.  He was a csi he could die the bodies and never be connected to the crime.  Trying to lighten up the mood of the conversation he asked; “Any one night stands.”

“Now that you have asked,” Dean replied noticing his friends attempts to lighten the conversation “There have been a few chances but I didn’t want to just have sex for the sake of doing it.”

“They don’t even know the real you do they,” Danny asked.  It saddened him to know that Dean had never shown his family just who he really was.

Dean smiled wryly and said; “It was just easier to let them believe a lie.”

Danny’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.  He was angry that the Dean he knew was no longer the same stubborn pains ass he had been when they were together.  The Dean he had loved as a lover and now as a friend never let anyone walk all over him or let him deny who he really was.  The Dean he had the last two hours talking to was still the same stubborn Dean he knew but with a slight difference.  This Dean had been scared from the rejection of his family “That’s not you Dean.  That’s not who I know.”

Drinking his now barely warm coffee in one go he looked Danny squarely in the eye and without a hint of emotion he said; “My family are… were the only thing that was a constant in my life for as long as I can remember.  I spent a childhood and most of my teenage years looking after Sam.  I made sure that didn’t kill himself with alcohol or the hunt.  It’s hard to suddenly stop looking after and protecting your family when it’s all you know.”

Danny’s expression hardened slightly.  He had always had a problem with the way Dean viewed himself his role in life as that of a caregiver for his family.  A family that never appreciated all that he had done for them. Taking a breath he said; “You are a hunter a person who has helped save countless people from things they can’t even begin to understand.  You have people who look up to and admire you.  You are not just stuck in one role in life Dean.  You can be anything you want to be.”

Finding himself unable to agree with what Danny had said Dean replied.  “That sounds like some pep rally speech.  I’m hunter because it’s all I know how to do.  People don’t look up to me Danny.  They fear because I hunt things that are the stuff of myth and legend.”

John and Sam Winchester had really done a number on Dean.  “People look up to you because you are the one that holds back the dark.  They respect you because despite all that has happened you never stop.  You don’t let the world bring you down.  People admire you Dean.”

“Name one of these people,” Dean asked

“I can do better than that I’ll introduce you.”


Current Mood: cynicalcynical
Alaohioala19 on July 16th, 2007 02:27 pm (UTC)
i really enjoyed reading this, poor dean, i love the other characters in it too, but boy sam is just horrible in this to his bro
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on July 16th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
Sam is going to be a whole lot meaner in this fic. For once John will be the voice of reason
neviditelny: oh hells noneviditelny on July 17th, 2007 09:21 pm (UTC)
Interesting premise. I look forward to seeing more. Sam's reaction isn't at all what I'd expect from him, which makes it all the more interesting. So... Dean and Don? Or Dean and Hawkes? However, I really really recommend that you get a beta, because it's rife with spelling and grammatical errors. I'd be happy to do it, if you're interested. Just drop a line by my lj.
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on July 18th, 2007 10:17 am (UTC)
taking up the offer of a beta and have a left a message on your journal. I do agree with the spelling I know I'm really bad in that area.
lady_foxfirelady_foxfire on July 18th, 2007 03:19 am (UTC)
Finally I got a chance to read this! Ugh life can be too much sometimes.

Not bad. so when is ch 2 coming out or is it out already?
claudia_lexanclaudia_lexan on July 18th, 2007 10:16 am (UTC)
hopefully it will be a whole lot better once its been beta read. Next chapter is being written