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07 August 2006 @ 02:25 pm
fic: googbye my lover  
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but the fic does
Title: Goodbye my Lover
Author: Claudia1
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17 just to be safe
Archive: Yes
Summary: Dean writes Sam a Dear John letter

Notes: Yeah, it is a Dear John letter, not something I would usually write for this fandom, but it has helped me with the writer’s block I had on my tangled fic.


I never believed there would come a time when I would write a letter like this, but times change. I have had enough of being the one you hate with one breath and love with the next. I have seen the look in your eye when I talk to guys in the bar and it is not right. It’s not a look of love, but one of pure unadulterated hatred. I had done nothing wrong by talking to some random guys in a bar. It is called socializing. What you did to me when we got back to the motel room made me think you were possessed. I still have the bruises from that night. Bruises that are a constant reminder of what you did to me. Thing is I cannot hate you. I should, but I do not.

Writing this to you is the only way I can tell you that I am leaving. It is the only way I can leave, without you trying to stop me. You will read this and ask yourself why. If you really have to ask that, then you really do not know how fucked up everything is. It has reached the point where I felt trapped whenever you were with me. Your touch became the warning bell of all the abuse I could expect from you. There used to be a time when that touch was warmth, love and security. Now all that touch to means to me is fear. I hunt supernatural shit and you are the only one that can instil real fear in me. Our relationship is way beyond screwed up. At one point, we were brothers. Brothers who protected each other from life’s pitfalls of life. When we became lovers all of that changed. You became possessive. It reached the point where I could not speak to another guy or girl. What you did to me that night in the motel was so very wrong.

We are not moment for each other. I doubt you’re even gay. You are so set on a normal life and I am not. I just want to live long enough to see my 30th birthday. You enjoy flaunting your college education about. You take great pains to let people know that my education ended at 15. You neglect to tell people I was the one who made sure that you finished high school. I had daily battles with dad just to make sure that you had the education I was deprived of.

During those four years, you spent at college any and all attempts I made at communication was denied by you. I even turned up at your apartment one day. I had a long conversation with Jessica and gave her a piece of advice. I only hope she took it to heart. The time has come for me to think of myself for once. What you want from life is no longer number one on my list. Enough of why I am leaving, it is not important. Sam, I want to date people who do not use me as there own personal stress ball.

I want to go on a few dates with an ATF agent I met down in Denver a few months ago. We had some good times together Sam, but most of the time we barely tolerated each other. In a few months, we can learn to be friends again and then maybe brothers again, but never lovers. We can never be lovers again. Do not try to find me. If you try to find me, I will bring down every supernatural being I know on your ass. Take care of yourself Sam

Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Rest in Peace